I've been running a very off schedule lately - unable to sleep during normal hours, I've been lying down to sleep between 4:00 and 7:00 am, and getting up sometime around 11:00 - as e. would say in the Basement Blogger meme that is all the rage, 'A seder it is not.'
As such I tend to eat during off hours Breakfast = Several cups of coffee shortly after waking, Brunch = toast with cheese around 3 or 4 pm, Dinner = Pasta or hot dogs around 9:00 . . . and Supper = a Hamburger at Empire Grill around 1 am . . . Yah. It's messed up.
Anyhow, a group of Israeli Bochurim learning in Kvetuza waited ahead of me in line. One of them ordered a Burrito (one need only imagine how he mangled the word) . . . only to ask his friends what the Hecht it was he'd ordered. Of course my dear Chumus eating brethren had no clue.
As a born Angelino, I know all to well what a burrito is.
I explained the concept of beans, meat, rice and what in a tortilla (I called it a Mexican laffa made of corn) to him.
And with what did he repay my kindness to him with? He cracked jokes with his friends by imitating my American "Reish".
As such I feel the time has come to show the world my 10 commandments to better Lubavitch!
- Ban all use of Hebrew as a Lingua-Franca amongst Lubavitchers outside of Israel: This one is quit simple. I speak English, it's my mother tongue. But during my stay in Yeshivah i learned how to read and speak in Hebrew and Yiddisj (not to mention a healthy smattering of Russian) . . . it's something all American bochurim do to one degree or another. The Frenchies do it, as do the Italians, 'Spics and Russians. Every Lubavitcher learns at least one language to some degree besides his household dialect. Not the Lubavitcher Israelis. To many of them speak only Hebrew - not because it's a holy tongue. Not because they're Zionists and feel it ought to be done. Not even because they have a love for the language. They do it because in their arrogance and ignorance they feel that they are the center of the world and must be catered to. It annoys the
- Chassidisher Bochurim shouldn't buy the iPod Classic: Let's be honest here. The iPod was a revolutionary device - Apple in it's marketing genius perfected (though it did not create) the MP3 player. Today, while personal preference is always valid - some people like the iPod Nano or iPod Touch, others go for the Zune, the newer Sony Walkman series and Creative Zens are also quite good . . . Kulei Alma Modiim that the iPod Classic is antiquated. As such - when Chassidishe Bochurim buy an iPod Classic for Sichos and Farbrengens (an amazing use for the technology) they're buying an inferior product out of ignorance because no one out there will tell them to get something better. That's lame. It also leads into problem number 3.
- Dorky Earphones: Walking around listen to Chassidus is an amazing thing. Doing it with the massive white ear buds of the iPod, or some other junky pair - and leaving the cord to hang out from ones coat pocket as it snakes up to ones ears . . . all in the (semi)social or public venues of walking down the street or while standing inline . . . is a douche thing to do. It looks lame . . .
- No Kvutza in 770: This is a simple one. The Rebbe didn't want them in 770. They could be amazing chayus'dike bochurim . . . The Rebbe sent them to Chovevei Torah until they moved on their own accord some time after 27 Adar. This should really be part of problem number one . . . but I wanted the post to have at least 5 of the ten commandments.
- Undeserving People wearing a Kasket: The kasket was worn by Russian Chassidim for dorei doros - the Rebbe wore one before his chasuna. Today for various reasons most Lubavitchers don't wear one. That's fine. Adaraba! Locals, Shluchim and long time residents (people who learned in Yeshivos etc) in Eastern Europe wear the kasket as mark of pride and badge of honor. Not Israeli bochurim. When they do it, they think they're chassidish . . . as R' Mendel and such wore a kastet. Feh! Wear it because you admit you're a простых солдат - and know what it means.
- Get rid of exploitationist sites: Sites such as COL and CH.info aren't about news in Lubavitch . . . That's what Shmais does (rather slowly). They're about people exposing themselves to the world for pleasure of some and the financial gain of others. They're smut. They fail to accurately report the news - instead they pontificate on stupid things (The Head Shliach to Yehupitz put on a blue tie), push their opinion in the form of News, or put poorly written or over verbose and bombastic English posts.
But they'll make Crown Heights a far more enjoyable place to walk around in.
As you, my dear reader, may have so astutely noticed Commandments 7-10 are missing. Please suggest your own to add to this list . . . or make an entirely new one!
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