The letters of our thoughts are the ideas present in our mind before they come to realization . . . Thoughts that are, yet not felt . . . The words of the subconscious . . . of the soul . . .

These are the LETTERS OF MY THOUGHTS.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Six of the Ten Commandments to Improve Lubavitch


I've been running a very off schedule lately - unable to sleep during normal hours, I've been lying down to sleep between 4:00 and 7:00 am, and getting up sometime around 11:00 - as e. would say in the Basement Blogger meme that is all the rage, 'A seder it is not.'

As such I tend to eat during off hours Breakfast = Several cups of coffee shortly after waking, Brunch = toast with cheese  around 3 or 4 pm, Dinner = Pasta or hot dogs around 9:00 . . . and Supper = a Hamburger at Empire Grill around 1 am . . . Yah. It's messed up.

Anyhow, a group of Israeli Bochurim learning in Kvetuza waited ahead of me in line. One of them ordered a Burrito (one need only imagine how he mangled the word)  . . . only to ask his friends what the Hecht it was he'd ordered. Of course my dear Chumus eating brethren had no clue.
As a born Angelino, I know all to well what a burrito is.
I explained the concept of beans, meat, rice and what in a tortilla (I called it a Mexican laffa made of corn) to him.
And with what did he repay my kindness to him with? He cracked jokes with his friends by imitating my American "Reish".

As such I feel the time has come to show the world my 10 commandments to better Lubavitch!

(Image Source: Tabloid Yellow Judaism)
  1. Ban all use of Hebrew as a Lingua-Franca amongst Lubavitchers outside of Israel:                                                                                              This one is quit simple. I speak English, it's my mother tongue. But during my stay in Yeshivah i learned how to read and speak in Hebrew and Yiddisj (not to mention a healthy smattering of Russian) . . . it's something all American bochurim do to one degree or another. The Frenchies do it, as do the Italians, 'Spics and Russians. Every Lubavitcher learns at least one language to some degree besides his household dialect. Not the Lubavitcher Israelis. To many of them speak only Hebrew - not because it's a holy tongue. Not because they're Zionists and feel it ought to be done. Not even because they have a love for the language. They do it because in their arrogance and ignorance they feel that they are the center of the world and must be catered to. It annoys the gówno out of me.
  2. Chassidisher Bochurim shouldn't buy the iPod Classic:                                                                                                                                                Let's be honest here. The iPod was a revolutionary device - Apple in it's marketing genius perfected (though it did not create) the MP3 player. Today, while personal preference is always valid - some people like the iPod Nano or iPod Touch, others go for the Zune, the newer Sony Walkman series and Creative Zens are also quite good . . . Kulei Alma Modiim that the iPod Classic is antiquated.  As such - when Chassidishe Bochurim buy an iPod Classic for Sichos and Farbrengens (an amazing use for the technology) they're buying an inferior product out of ignorance because no one out there will tell them to get something better. That's lame. It also leads into problem number 3.
  3. Dorky Earphones:                                                                                                                                                                                             Walking around listen to Chassidus is an amazing thing. Doing it with the massive white ear buds of the iPod, or some other junky pair - and leaving the cord to hang out from ones coat pocket as it snakes up to ones ears . . . all in the (semi)social or public venues of walking down the street or while standing inline . . . is a douche thing to do. It looks lame . . . 
  4. No Kvutza in 770:                                                                                                                                             This is a simple one. The Rebbe didn't want them in 770. They could be amazing chayus'dike bochurim . . . The Rebbe sent them to Chovevei Torah until they moved on their own accord some time after 27 Adar. This should really be part of problem number one . . . but I wanted the post to have at least 5 of the ten commandments.
  5. Undeserving People wearing a Kasket                                                                                                             The kasket was worn by Russian Chassidim for dorei doros - the Rebbe wore one before his chasuna. Today for various reasons most Lubavitchers don't wear one. That's fine. Adaraba! Locals, Shluchim and long time residents (people who learned in Yeshivos etc) in Eastern Europe wear the kasket as mark of pride and badge of honor. Not Israeli bochurim. When they do it, they think they're chassidish . . . as R' Mendel and such wore a kastet. Feh! Wear it because you admit you're a простых солдат - and know what it means.
  6. Get rid of exploitationist sites:                                                                                                                                                                            Sites such as COL and CH.info aren't about news in Lubavitch . . . That's what Shmais does (rather slowly). They're about people exposing themselves to the world for pleasure of some and the financial gain of others. They're smut. They fail to accurately report the news - instead they pontificate on stupid things (The Head Shliach to Yehupitz put on a blue tie), push their opinion in the form of News, or put poorly written  or over verbose and bombastic English posts. 




Will these issues solve the Tznius problem in Lubavitch? Help at risk youth? Or stop politics?

No.

But they'll make Crown Heights a far more enjoyable place to walk around in.
As you, my dear reader, may have so astutely noticed Commandments 7-10 are missing. Please suggest your own to add to this list . . . or make an entirely new one!



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28 comments:

de madrichiem said...

tja........

The Real Shliach said...

7: Ban bloggers who don't proofread for simple spelling and grammar mistakes.

The Real Shliach said...

8: Ban bloggers who forget to subscribe the first time.

Nemo said...

9. Ban stupidity in the name of chassidishkeit.

Mottel said...

7. That would be TRS and, ooh shtech, me.
8. That would be E and, ooh shtech, TRS.
9. That would be all of us.

Come on people quantify your commandments! Moses could get away with just saying do or do not . . . her you need to back it up!

Chaviva said...

Firstly, I agree with the Real Shliach about proofreading.

Secondly, I was startled by your use of "douche," as I don't think I've seen you use it before. It gave me a giggle.

That is all.

Mottel said...

-de Madrichiem: tja?
-Chav: you're right - writing at 4 in the AM isn't good for grammar though. Sorry folks.
I use all kinds of words. Not always in writing though . . .

Sef said...

I don't think you should be writing at 4 am because you came across extremely negative and grouchy...for what was supposed to be more of a humorous post.

whats wrong with white earphones?

e said...

простых солдат - and know what it meansHaha. You know what that means.

e said...

8. Thou shat not impose your personal preferences on the rest of Lubavtich.

e said...

hmm, crownheights.info is exploitationist, but shmais isn't? I suppose Shamis is telling us about the SHLIACH WHO NEEDS TWO GIRLS FOR AN EXCITING SHLICHIUS OPPORTUNITY out of concern for the public good.

e said...

I didn't forget to subscirbe. I just felt like breaking my thoughts into a bunch of separate comments.

The Real Shliach said...

Sure you did.

e said...

did not!!!! (How do you make a sticking out the tongue emoticon?)

e said...

on this post in particular, I would certainly remember. Anyhow, it's not that I forget. You need to leave two comments to subscribe. One to sign into Google and the other to click subscribe.

If I had my own computer, I wouldn't need to sign in every time...

The Real Shliach said...

That would be :p

e said...

Well, the :p you trs.

Nemo said...

Side question: how did Rabbi Gancz manage to make himself God over the past two weeks?

Mottel said...

-Sef: These are actually famed rants that I make whenever the chance comes up . . . Only now, however, have they been committed to writing for prosperity.

-E: No. I just wrote it to look dumb.

-E Again: CH.Info exploit news. Ads are Ads . . . Shmais does 'em, NY Times does 'em, Craig's List did them . . . CH.Info is about dweebish vendettas in supposed NEWS.

-TRS: It's :-P not :-p !

-Nemo: By right of his payos and his desire to be so.

Mottel said...

Of note a commandment:
Selling Random Junk in CH Stores:
I'm tired of seeing stores that sell Watches and Shampoo, Ice Creams and spare Keys, and Screws and Sushi.
It's lame.
Make a store that sells one type of product and stick to it. Don't try to sell weird side jobs in your already cluttered and unorganized CH shop!

C said...

I don't think anyone can control the websites. You can control how much power then have by either letting them matter to you or not, but please... they all started off just like this here blog, as so bored person who has something to share, only more people identify with those sites. But to shut them down is just stifling expression... and we know what that leads to...

Anonymous said...

I love the article. Although I disagree with you about the ipod, let them buy what ever they want... Especially if it's on sale.

But for 6 - 10...
6. Learn Tanya... I'm not saying this to be "chassidish", Tanya is the fundamental book of our culture, and it is forgotten. Even if you say Chitas every day, you don't fully comprehend what the Tanya means. Study it b'iyun, like a "sugya" in gemorah.... I would be tempted to read it every shabbos mevorchim like tehillim. In it the Alter Rebbe lays out in the clearest manner what it means to be Jewish, not just Chabad...
7. 12 pesukim... there is a reason why the Rebbe selected these 12 pesukim, and it isn't just for kids... If you were to ask an Adult Lubavitcher what the 12 pesukim mean, or why did the rebbe choose them...? I fear to ask because I will be disappointed with the responses....
8. Practice "mentchlechkeit"... starting with the fancy shoes... you don't need fancy shoes! Looking decent and sophisticated is one thing, but tone down the glamor. Likewise on the big things,,, $100,000 weddings... fancy cars.... who needs this... we need to show restraint... may Hashem bless us with lots of money and the wisdom to be a Mentch at the same time.
9. Change the "smell" of 770.. that un-placeable smell... at times nauseating. Dump 500 can of air refreshener.....
10. Manners... an extension of the above, but deserves a number all to itself. I'm not talking about placing a napkin on your lap while you eat... although it won't hurt... how about not talking while eating... smiling... saying hello... basic human interactions....

Chana Langman said...

Sef: good thing I don't mind the grouch tone!

Ker A Velt said...

chrudge linked to u, cool blog!

Mottel said...

-Ker A Velt:
Thanks for the link.

Mottel said...

Here's another one:
Instead of driving around and announcing events (such as 'elections') on a loud speaker, find a method more fitting with the current era - today, BH, people have phones, email, and what's more . . . check websites.

C said...

OMG. that's all I was hearing today. What the heck! It felt like Israel... only they announce funerals and terrorist attacks.

le7 said...

Yeah the loudspeaker was super loud and I think embarrassing.