The letters of our thoughts are the ideas present in our mind before they come to realization . . . Thoughts that are, yet not felt . . . The words of the subconscious . . . of the soul . . .


Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Taking a Shower -The Ukrainian Way!

I think I have it all worked out now
Our beautiful Soviet era apartment has a shower.
For the first five days it gave a shower so cold that even the most machmir would find it fitting for the nine days.
Good for the Nine Days not so good for the other 344 through 376 days of the Jewish Year.

Now the manager of the building has shown us how to use the shower . . .
I think I have it all worked out

  1. Turn on the faucet in the kitchen sink.
  2. Turn on the shower in the bathroom.
  3. Return to the kitchen and light the pilot-light.
    • Do not Push the button marked ПУСК -‘Start’
  4. The pilot light should be on, but the fire itself should not.
  5. Wait.
  6. Keep waiting.
  7. The fire should start at some point.

Now one can take a slightly-above-tepid shower.

The problem:

1. When there is slightly-above-tepid water, there is no pressure.

2. When there is water pressure, then there is no slightly-above-tepid water.

3. If the sink in the kitchen is turned off, then the fire will go out.

4. The fire may go out on its own for reasons known only by the UFSSRALDMC (The Union of Former Soviet Socialist Republic Appliances that Like to Drive Me Crazy)

The solution is to have a friend waiting in the kitchen while one takes a shower.

“Ok, I have a lot of soap in my eyes; please turn off the sink so I can wash it off . . .”
“How is it now?”
“Way, way, way to cold . . . forget the shampoo –turn on the slightly-above-tepid water!

Who ever thought that taking a shower would be a group experience?

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