The letters of our thoughts are the ideas present in our mind before they come to realization . . . Thoughts that are, yet not felt . . . The words of the subconscious . . . of the soul . . .

These are the LETTERS OF MY THOUGHTS.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Dancing Between the Red Tape



Bureaucracy
I called yesterday to fix a charge on my Credit Card . . . I tried to make a call to The Flying Dutch Jew when I was in Holland . . . it cost about 3 dollars per Nanosecond . . .

"Welcome to the Bank of America Hot line -Para español aprieta por favor tres. . .

Please listen as our options have changed. For information about your account status, transactions, Balance, or to dispute charges please press 1.

To send money to Mexico please press 2.
To verify your account please press three."
*1*
"You have pressed 1!
Please enter your bank account number followed by the # sign."
*0123456789#*
"Now the last 9 digits of your Credit Card followed by the # sign."
*987654321#*
"I'm sorry I didn't get that please . . . please enter the last 9 digits of your Credit Card followed by the # sign."
*987654321#*
"I'm sorry I didn't get that please . . . please enter the last 9 digits of your Credit Card followed by the # sign."
*8765432#*
"I'm sorry I didn't get that please . . . please enter the last 9 digits of your Credit Card followed by the # sign."
*###############*
"Thank you . . .
For added security, please enter your mother's Maiden name."
*D-O-R-F-M-A-N*
"Incorrect . . . pleas enter your favorite Italian Dish . . . . spelled backwards."
*A-Z-Z-I-P*
"Incorrect . . . Pizza is not your favorite Italian Dish . . . please hold while we transfer you to an operator."
Two minutes of bad music . . .
"we are currently experiencing an unusually high call density, please be assured that your call is of the utmost importance to us . . . your wait will be approximately forty min . . ."

Operator: "Hello, and welcome to the Bank of America banking Hot line, home of better future banking for the future and the Bank of America banking Hot line . . . This is Todd speaking, how can I help you utilize our services?"
Mottel: I'd like to dispute a charge . . .
Operator: Uhhh . . .
Mottel: Yes?
Operator: Uhh . . . Hello, and welcome to the Bank of America banking Hotline, home of better future banking for the future and the Bank of America banking Hotline . . . This is Todd speaking, how can I help you utilize our services?
Mottel: What?
Operator:
This is Todd speaking, how can I help you utilize our services?
Mottel:
I made a phone call in Holland, it cost about 3 dollars per Nanosecond.
Operator: I'm sorry, I don't speak Hollandian.
Mottel: Neither do I!
Operator: Let me transfer you to my supervisor . . .
More bad music . . .
"We are currently experiencing an unusually high call density, please be assured that your call is of the utmost importance to us . . . your wait will be approximately Eighty min . . ."
Supervisor: This is Wanda, what do you want?
Mottel: When I was in Holland I made a phone call, it cost about 3 dollars per nanosecond . . .
Supervisor: You'll need our billing department.

"We are currently experiencing an unusually high call density, please be assured that your call is of the utmost importance to us . . . your wait will be approximately . . ."

Billing Department: Yes hello and welcome to the Bank of America banking Hotline, home of better future banking for the future and the Bank of America banking Hotline . . . This is Trillian speaking from the billing department
Mottel: When I was in Holland I made a phone call, it cost about 3 dollars per nanosecond . . .
Billing Department: Oh, you need our claims department . . . please hold.

"We are currently experiencing an unusually high call density, please be assured that your call is of the utmost importance to us . . . your wait will be

Claims Department: Yes hello and welcome to the Bank of America banking Hotline, home of better future banking for the future and the Bank of America banking Hotline . . . This is Lesly from the Claims department, how may I assist you?
Mottel: When I was in Holland I made a phone call, it cost about 3 dollars per nanosecond . . .
Claims Department: So you're in Holland now?
Mottel: No, I'm in Vilnius.
Claims Department: Where?
Mottel: Vilnius, Lithuania.
Claims Department: So why'd you say Holland? If you're in Pennsylvania?
Mottel: I was in Holland, now I'm in Vilnius, LITHUANIA!
Claims Department: Wait, you're in Lithuania?
Mottel: Yes . . .
Claims Department: You're a long way from home! So, how may I help you.
Mottel: When I was in Holland I made a phone call, it cost about 3 dollars per nanosecond . . .
Claims Department: Oh, you need our automated services . . . please hold.
Mottel: But . . .

"We are currently experiencing an unusually high call density, please be assured that your call is of the utmost importance to us . . . your wait . . ."

Welcome to the Bank of America Hotline -Para español aprieta por favor tres. . .

Please listen as our options have changed. For information about your account status, transactions, Balance, or to dispute charges please press 1.

To send money to Mexico please press 2.
To verify your account please press three."

*##########################################################*


5 comments:

Sefirah said...

p.s.
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http://www.websense-media.co.il/eatbigfish/eatbigfish_minisite.htm

Anonymous said...

#1.you had bad luck, cuz Bank Of America is the best Bank In America. #2 it has nothing to do with the Credit Card it has to do with the phone company once you agree to the call its over.

Mottel said...

Thanks for the comment Anon . . though even if I do know you, a name would be nice.
Yes BoA is the best bank -that's why I have it . . . though every institution has its foibles, BoA well within that rule.
As for two, I know that it isn't connected with the Bank, however there is no number on my statement with which to contact the company . . . I was hopping that the bank would help me find one.

Zalmen said...

i put my Credit Card in the phone in london i got a charge for 8.45 cents for 2 mintues, you just got to accept it

Mottel said...

Thanks for using a name this time . . .
Tsk tsk tsk -you didn't take a lesson from me.
You must understand, my dear Zalmen, that my post here is all in good humor -it's supposed to be funny!